Christians and Marriage
Posted 01/12/2007

Grace be unto you all and peace from God our Father, and from our Lord Jesus Christ. We write this epistle to exhort you all concerning what is written in the Holy Scriptures on marriage, a relationship and institution which must only exist between a man and a woman. This is how God the Father ordained marriage from the very beginning (Matt 19:4-6). Any other definition of marriage outside of this is perversion of what God instituted and the Lord will not hold those that practice this guiltless if they do not repent. In these last days that divorce is pervading more of the society, Christians must understand and know what God has declared concerning marriage and put those things to practice. This way, the words of this epistle will be unto you like the good seed which fell on good ground and brought forth fruit, some thirty-fold, some sixty-fold, and some a hundred-fold.

It is written in 1 Corinth 7:1-9: Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency… 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

The Scriptures above were written by Apostle Paul about 59 A.D. to the church in Corinth at the close of his 3-year residency at Ephesus (Acts 20:31, 1 Corinth 16:5-8). The Corinthians had written a letter which they sent through some brethren (1 Corinth 16:17) asking questions about certain doctrines. The issue of marriage was one of the things they enquired of. The scriptures quoted above were some of Apostle Paul’s response to their questions.

According to 1 Corinth 7:1-2 quoted above, not every man or woman is required to be married, but those who choose to be are permitted by Christianity to get married, lest they fall into temptation of fornication. Today, this is probably the majority. The gospel does not interpose any hindrance to marriage and normal creative relationship. We understand from the scriptures (1 Corinth 7:3) that the wife and the husband must respect each other regarding lawful sexual needs. They must both pay the matrimonial debt and render the conjugal duty to each other, mutually satisfying each other. If they do not obey this injunction, one may be responsible for the infidelity of the other and partake of the consequences. The husband and the wife belong to each other (1 Corinth 7:4). Neither of them has any authority to refuse what the other needs or demands in normal temperate relationship. All acts of perversion or unnatural affection must absolutely be rejected lest one become captive to inordinate affection and uncontrollable lusts which could open doors to demons ( Col 3:5, 1 Thess 4:5). Nevertheless, the husband and the wife by mutual consent are allowed to defraud one another for a season for the reason of fasting and praying but they must come together again when the season is over to defeat Satan lest he tempts them for their incontinence.

Concerning widows, Apostle Paul personally desired that they remain unmarried like him but he was also sensitive to the fact that every one did not have his gift of continence (1 Corinth 7:7). Where this gift of continence does not exist naturally, or by a miraculous interference or by an operation (Matt 19:12), marriage is the answer. Therefore, for those who cannot accomplish self-control and have difficulty in controlling their passions, it is best to marry than to burn with lusts (1 Corinth 7:9).

Concerning divorce, the Lord commanded that the wife should not depart from her husband (1 Corinth 7:10-11). This means that she should not get a divorce, else Apostle Paul would not have restricted her to remain single, not remarrying unless it was to her former husband (1 Corinth 7:11). According to Matt 5:32, divorce could be granted for fornication, a sin God looked upon as one of most serious. On this ground, divorce could be permitted by God though God Himself made it very clear in Mal 2:16 that He hates divorce. He compared it to a man that covers violence with his garments. In Matt 19:1-9, our Lord Jesus Christ made it very clear why divorce was permitted by God on the grounds of fornication under the Law of Moses. It was because of the hardness of the hearts of men i.e. Moses saw that if he did not permit divorce many women would suffer untold hardships from men and men from women likewise. Hardness of heart and divorce were not intended by God from the beginning and they will not be in His eternal kingdom in the millennium and thereafter. It is noteworthy to also mention that there is no excuse under the gospel for hardness of heart against each other (2 Corinth 5:17-18, Eph 4:24, Gal 5:24).

In Matt 19:9, the Lord stated that any man who divorces his wife for any cause except for fornication and remarry commits adultery. In like manner, any man marrying a woman that is divorced for the cause of her own fornication commits adultery. One can better understand why this is so in view of Prov 2:16-20, 6:24-26, 7:5-23, 9:13-18, and 11:22. Divorce on scriptural grounds means that a person is free to remarry, provided it is to another Christian (1 Corinth 7:15, 27-28, Matt 5:32, 19:6). In 1 Corinth 7:12-16, we understand another legal and scriptural reason for divorce and remarriage. If an unbeliever refuses to live with a wife or husband because of Christianity and if he or she is determined to leave on this account, the Christian is not under further marriage bonds and is not held responsible or chastised by the requirement to remain single the rest of his or her life because of the rebellion of another. The Christian is to submit to the breaking of the marriage covenant under such circumstances and is free to remarry another Christian.

Therefore in summary, by what is written in the scriptures (1 Corinth 7:1-16) we understand the following commands concerning marriage:

• To avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband. To the unmarried that have the gift of continence, they can remain so

• Let both men and women marry if they have battles of self-control

• Let the husband meet the sexual needs of the wife and the wife meet those of the husband i.e. let both pay their conjugal vows to each other

• Come together again after you have consented to live continent for a period so as to pray and fast

• Let not the wife depart from her husband and let not the husband divorce his wife

• If the wife does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband

• Divorce could be permitted on the grounds of fornication and willful desertion

• Let not the Christian man divorce the non-Christian wife if she be pleased to dwell with him and likewise the Christian woman the non-Christian man

• In either case, if the unbeliever departs and refuses to live with the Christian, let him/her depart. The Christian is free from the marriage bonds in such cases

• Let every man or woman remain as he or she was when each became a Christian i.e. do not use Christianity as an excuse to break up your own home and perhaps another, thereby seeking a new companion

• If you are bound to a wife, seek not to be loosed i.e. do not get a divorce regardless of the past. Stay in the same calling and state in which you were when you became a Christian

• If you are loosed from a wife, seek not another wife. If you do marry however, you have not sinned

• The wife is bound by law to be married as long as the husband lives. Marriage is for the lifetime of the husband and wife, therefore divorce should not be avoided at all times

• Christians should remarry only Christians when companions die

Therefore by all these words as written in the Word of God, we understand that marriage is a divine institution. And that God intended for marriage to be indissoluble and to last the lifetime of either the husband or the wife (Matt 19:4, 6, 8). Because this is God’s preference, we exhort the married among you to remain faithful to your spouses at all times in all things knowing that a man and a woman becomes one in flesh before God when they marry. We dissuade you all not to practice divorce. Not just for the pain, envying, strife, and evil that may arise from it alone, but much more for the reason that God made it plain that He disapproves of it (Mal 2:16, Matt 19:8). If God hates it, then we must all pray for grace not to partake of it under any circumstances by the help of the Holy Spirit who is our helper in all things. Let us be quick to cast our burdens on the Lord that He may help us to bear them, Him whose yoke is easy and His burden light. Let the love of God dwell in your hearts at all times. For as it is written, if we obey His commandments, then we abide in His love. Forgive one another. If your spouse offends you, forgive. Never think of divorce. It is the least we can all do when we remember the work of the Lord Jesus Christ on the cross for our sins. Let the husband not depart from the wife and let not the wife leave her husband. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Abide in His love. Peace be to you all. Maranatha.